dilemma

it has been a while since I last update.
i had finally put a fullstop on pep, no more placement.
i can finally go back to my part time job. i need money so bad!
to be honest, im really happy to work in royal melborne hos.
perphaps i heard too many bad rumours and horror stories about it.
but from what ive experienced they are not true at all.
everyone in rmh was nice especially my 3sw pharmacist, kate.

Im supposed to hang out this weekend before uni starts but i didnt.
i spent my 2 days at home. sleeping, doing assignment and some thinkings.
the same question still floating on my head. to stay or not to stay.
spent some time for not doing anything, disconnect myself from everything including internet.
flash back how far am i now from where im from,
re- evaluating what i want, who i wanna be, how am i gonna make it,
life should be as colourful as the above balloons in the picture at this age.
spending 6 years in melborne definitely changed some of my personalities, way of thinking.
also, making me much stronger/ matured/ motivated than the little gal whom i used to be.
im not sure i can be like this if i was in malaysia.
so i came out with a conclusion, i would stay for my intern year 
and hopfelly i wont change my mind after the return from home in the end of sep.
there are a lot reasons for me to stay and leave.
but somehow, knowing how much efforts i have been putting in throughout the past 6 years.
it hasnt been easy for me. u'll know it if u c my face lol
im not a hardworking, smart person.
i need something to drive me. just like i would study during exams etc.
i hate studying. but i know i have no choice, i have to study so i study.
if there is no mark for it, i dont bother about it much .. just a litte maybe..
so i realized if i head back to sg, i might end up being the original me.
i would lost my way. 
sg might still be alright as it is quite competitive in hospitals but i dont want to work so hard.
dilemma !
anyway, i would and have decided to stay for next year. i have to!