221012

一次又一次的冷眼，摇头，不屑的语气等等。。
这一天就这样的过了。。
我羡慕别人的潇洒，淡定，听了就算。。
可我总是做不到，放在心上久久。。
我不怨任何人，只怪自己比人蠢。。做什么都做不好。。
我相信每个人都会有自己擅长的。。但我今年24了，没有一点比人强。。
所以我说啊，特别喜欢聪明的男生是有原因的。。
一次一次的否定，信心原本只有10%也变成负值了。。
或许我真的不适合，当初何必那么执著，浪费了那么多的时间。
时光倒留，我宁可留在国内，读个简单点的东西。。只要以后能养活自己就行了。。
考试就在下星期，不知道是不是要毕业了，根本没有心读。。
明知道这几天要打工，没时间了，还狂做其它的。。
我是怎么了？
这几天好像回到17岁的。。
总想着要马上结婚。。
可是一个巴掌又怎么拍得响呢？呵呵

dilemma

it has been a while since I last update.
i had finally put a fullstop on pep, no more placement.
i can finally go back to my part time job. i need money so bad!
to be honest, im really happy to work in royal melborne hos.
perphaps i heard too many bad rumours and horror stories about it.
but from what ive experienced they are not true at all.
everyone in rmh was nice especially my 3sw pharmacist, kate.

Im supposed to hang out this weekend before uni starts but i didnt.
i spent my 2 days at home. sleeping, doing assignment and some thinkings.
the same question still floating on my head. to stay or not to stay.
spent some time for not doing anything, disconnect myself from everything including internet.
flash back how far am i now from where im from,
re- evaluating what i want, who i wanna be, how am i gonna make it,
life should be as colourful as the above balloons in the picture at this age.
spending 6 years in melborne definitely changed some of my personalities, way of thinking.
also, making me much stronger/ matured/ motivated than the little gal whom i used to be.
im not sure i can be like this if i was in malaysia.
so i came out with a conclusion, i would stay for my intern year 
and hopfelly i wont change my mind after the return from home in the end of sep.
there are a lot reasons for me to stay and leave.
but somehow, knowing how much efforts i have been putting in throughout the past 6 years.
it hasnt been easy for me. u'll know it if u c my face lol
im not a hardworking, smart person.
i need something to drive me. just like i would study during exams etc.
i hate studying. but i know i have no choice, i have to study so i study.
if there is no mark for it, i dont bother about it much .. just a litte maybe..
so i realized if i head back to sg, i might end up being the original me.
i would lost my way. 
sg might still be alright as it is quite competitive in hospitals but i dont want to work so hard.
dilemma !
anyway, i would and have decided to stay for next year. i have to!

110812

WHY ?

i love breakfast!

I just realized waking up in the early morning for a nice breakie/ brunch feels sooooo good!
I feel like doing this every week so if anyones interested in having any nice breakie/bruch must let me know.
I am a big eater currently.
i eat a lot. Im terrified by myself. I can feel the difference in me.
why am I eating so much ! and the most important thing is i have a big stomach, sadly.
i can feel and see the stomach growing bigger and bigger.fml

uni starts next week and placement starts 2nd week and i dunnoe why we havent get the pep letter.
i need to know which hospital i will go for some reason.
i just hope i wont have to go to geelong and the best one for me would be royal melbourne hospital cuz i can save the transport fee.
arghhh my saving is dropping !! i realli have to control myself. or else i cant get my bag in end of sep ><

"与人相处难 到底是谁的问题呢
我觉得可能还是我自己吧 期待太多 于是总在初识就努力的释放自己的热情 可往往到最后自己精疲力尽也没落个好
果然问题还是在我这里 “人与人啊 要保持一段优雅的距离” 距离，懂嘛？"

again,exactly reflected what i felt.

Emo

It has been a while since I last updated.
After reading a frend's blog, i somehow feel the same with her especially when she talks about friendship, work and socialise. I copied her well written sentence and modified them into my situation now.

#
每个月都会有那么几天感觉低落 就像每个月都会来大姨妈一样准 
最近，我感觉很挫败于学术 这个学期我才考一门却拿了个 D 
我很挫败于交际 看到大家自如活络的游走于人群中谈笑风声 
我很挫败于友谊 我真诚低姿态的对待每个熟悉和陌生人 却还是一直分不清什么是逢场作戏和真性情 
我很挫败于工作我莫名其妙被说了一顿 我不气 只是觉得有些委屈 毕竟工作得来不易 我珍惜我努力我付出 却连个解释的机会/勇气也没有 我很挫败 #
I am in a dilemma now. I dont know which pathway i should take anymore.
Im not that determined to stay at here anymore.
I have lost my motivation.
I somehow wish that someone can give me pressure on my decision.
At least im not alone. I hate making decision.

Skin is still deterioating. i feel embarrassed to go out with my naked face or even with make up on.
what can i do ?

Holiday

Exam is finally over ! 
but its sad that im not going back to my hometown for this holiday.
tho Im still looking for the air ticket like once every 2 days.
So tempting to go back =(
I miss my 3F - family, friends, food in Malaysia so much.
my exam ended super early this time. 
which means... Im gonna have around 2 months holiday- longest mid sem holiday i ever had.
Isnt this a long holiday?
this is my first time for not going back to malaysia during proper holidays throughout this 6 years in melbourne.
Can you imagine? im gonna be alone here while others are heading back eg. cousin and friends.
what a sad case.
but i believe ill have to accept the truth and think positively.
I stay for the goodness, for my future, and for my intern.
but sadly i havent gotten any contact from anyone regarding my intern application.
how sad is it??sigh
dear lord, pls be kind and generous to me ><
I hate having the feelings of uncertainties.

I have been spending quite a lot recently after exam!
for food, clothes .... hopefully i get more shifts during this holiday.
i wanna get myself a prada bag.
i cant stop thinking about it. it comes across my mind automatically everyday and I came up with a conclusion,
i want it, i NEED IT.
it would be even harder for me to get one when i begin work in malaysia or sg wouldnt it?
so this is the chance... so just wait and ill come and hunt you down little prada!

Worst placement i had

BAck to the city finally. Maybe i shouldnt have come back to the city.
cuz 2 weeks worth of salary has turned  into this and maybe that ... lol
disliked my rural placement because i felt like I was just a free labour instead of a learning pharmacist student.
i wrote the barcode for 200 of earplugs, and alcohol swabs, cleaned the bin, walking to another pharmacy to get stock everyday. 
Isnt this a PROFESSIONAL EXPERIENCE PLACEMENT???
It AINT A SHOP GIRL PLACEMENT! 

well Im actually fine with all those work you are keen and willing to teach me.
but those were the ONLY stuffs that I did during the whole placement.
it really sucked.
I wanted to observe counseling of pharmacist and you asked me to serve another customer. 
I really think the people at the placement need to get their facts right.
I was there to learn as a student not to work as your free labour. 


The grade for my punctuality is a mere "Pass".
I dunno what else can be done to get a better result than "pass" since I arrived 10-15 mins for the placement everyday already.

And after all the things Ive done for you Ive never been thanked before.
seriously this is the worst placement i have ever had. 
it will truly suck if anyone is to work in a place like that one.

280412

my blog has been abandoned for a while.
not really that busy compared to last year but still i dunnoe where i spent my time on =.=
have to accept the truth that i might not be able to go back in june/july,
exam timetable is out. i would have more than 1 month holiday but too bad
i cant go back.
even if i can make it its only gonna be a 10days stay....
or i would try to go back in sep for 10 days as well. sad ttm.
i want to claim my camera ><

Going to my rural placement - Gipsland tmr.
i havent finished packing yet.
There are too many things to bring along eg. bedsheet, pillow cover or blanket.
just in case the ones there are not clean/comfortable to me ... 
not being fussy but... u know...


I'll be working in Priceline pharmacy.
hopefully the pharmacist that look after me can be very patient to me...><

150412

Good times always pass fast.

1 week of Easter break has just gone like wind ><

i broke my early sleep-wake cycle.

but i guess i will return to this cycle soon as im going to have another placement in the end of april.

hopefully i got a community one in this rural placement and the most important thing is

the accommodation and internet would not be dodgy.

130312 TS

I really had a good time with Jing on Monday night!
of course! it was Talor Swift's concert!!

i missed the one in sg and so i bought the ticket last year around sep-oct!
i was pretty kiasu haha!!

evenntho i was not feeling that well as i didnt get enough sleep PLUS,

my very 1st hospital placement starts on the next day.

but when the guest Hot chille rae started to sing, everything sings!

They sing really well !! i know their song but i dunnoe them =.=

and little gals beside me were singing along, very loudly!!

Talking about kids, they were really HOT !!

there were so many kids coming for Taylor and they sang really loud and screamed like hell!!

it was very enjoyable throughout the concert!

taylor is really pretty, stunning and gorgeous in real life.

the only time that i thought she is pretty is in love story's MV.
but god shes so pretty!

i loved all the scenes, they all were so fairytale-ish.
the stage was like a merry go round with TS engraved on the top!

i loved her outfit as well! especially the one in the 3rd pic.

no doubt, after this concert, i love her even more.

look forward to the next concert of hers!! cant wait!

talking about placement,

i finally finished my 1st week of placement.

and yes, i felt stupid again.

why im so bad at doing all the things.

my hands were shaking like hell when i used the syringe..

how to get rid of my nervousness ? how to hide my panic (if im unable to get rid of it)?

and i realized im overly used to rely on others throughout my life.

i really appreciate those who have helped my and take care of me. Thanks!
i must really learn to be less dependent!
hope everything would go well!

Sch starts

too bad dont have salted caramel inside ...thx for bringing them back all the way from sydney !

Uni started, and i am pretty free as i only have 6 lectures in a week for this sem .

wonder how im gonna survive in sem 2. there'll be more lectures than sem 1.

anway, am going to Alfred hospital next week.

super nervous...
hopefully the pharmacist in charge would be nice and patient with me .

yea i know i always look blur and stupid like i dont understand everything.

yes im. hahax..

time flies so quickly.... been here for a month.

start counting how many days till i go back already =.=

btw, i had a very bad week last week. in fact, they all happened in one day.

1st i lost my police check, searched the whole studio 5 times.

2nd my summer elective result is super bad. so regret to take it

3rd my earphone broken down

4th found out someone cheated me

5th lectopia was not working for the class i didnt attend but those that i attended are working.fml.

why does it have to be so cruel to me?

you know what i just found out i was assigned to Caufield hospital.

they choose 4 students randomly from 14 who are going to alfred hospital to caufield or sandrigham.

and im the lucky 4 =.= but have to say at least no sandringham for me

i was amazed by meself recently .

ive been eating all the time, as in non stop eating.
my food vanished so fast that i have to go safeway 3 times a week.

i shouldnt stay at home for nothing except eating around.

i dun even dare to weight myself.

i dun even wanna buy weight meter as i dun have the habit to weight myself.

none of my family members use a weight machine till one day, a guy asked me about a weight machine.

i said i dont have one and wat he was surprised.

" Come on, are you a girl??? how can you live without weighing machine for so long. i cant believe"
now i do have one in my studio but its too scary to hop up there and face the reality ><

2 days till taylor's concert. lol..

this is 1st concert in my life ... hope it will be nice !
cant wait!

!st week of PEP

Name badge on, ready to work !

this was the clothes for the first day!

so excited and as usual i picked the clothings a day before so there wouldnt be any dramas in the early morning.

from top to toe were chosen by my mum.

she even got the same top but with a different color

girls got headache every time wondering what to wear for tomorrow
unlike guys its so easy for them!

but that is the fun part of being a girl isnt it?

im just a typical gal... clothes, make up, bags, heels...i just couldnt find a reason not to love them!

but i aint gonna wake up early to prepare neither do i want to be late for work

so i always have to prepare on the night before.

anyway, i have survived the first week of my placement.

being assigned to a quiet pharmacy has its advantages and disadvantages.

disadvantages being a few people visit every day and most are regulars picking up their meds.
so the chances to serve OTC is very very low

Ive learn about the management of pharmacy however.
I didnt really know much about scripts, how to dispense, which scripts need to be returned and stuffs like that.
nobody taught me in my previous workplace but its good that i can now finally get to learn them

so even though i cant learn much about OTC which i wish to but at least i have a better understanding about other stuffs.

pharmacist and the only staff are super nice. especially the staff.

so no stress, no insomnia.
actually i did but the reason behind was not about this placement tho.

somehow, i find that i do have the passion doing what i do now.

i always say i regret to have chosen pharm but this mostly account to the exams and assignments.

it is interesting to apply what i have learned from uni to practice.

also, seeing those customers returning were rewarding and they were just like friends.

you know their families as well.

ohhh btw, im being called "good gal" quite often from the elderly over there...

that brought me back to who knows how many years before but me likey =p

Back to hell

Hello Melbourne! >.<

didnt really wish to be here but anyway, here I am.. (sigh)

brought back a lot of new skin care products
as you know my skin never recover and mum doesnt allow me to take the strongest pills><

btw, im in love with estee lauder optimizer (toner)- minimize your pore.

super recommended.

btw, placements gonna start tomorrow.
and im super nervous about it!

this is my 1st pharmacy placement and it's a retail.

tonnes of worries and questions around my head.

wondering how my preceptor would be?

is he strict? is he going to let me pass easily? will he scold me?

not sure i can sleep peacefully tonight. i doubt it.

as a 4th year student, i havent got a job in a pharmacy yet.

it is kinda shame of myself cuz all of my frens are working already.

after few days trials in somewhere, I realized how useless i am comparing to those salegals without much knowledge about drugs.

they definitely do a lot better than i do in providing primary care.

im such a failure. i have to admit.

all these failures have hit me down badly and i dont have the confidence to put my resume.

im too afraid of being reject.

i really hope my preceptor is a super nice and patient person.

so i can ask a lot of questions without hesitation.

god bless me!

Happy Chinese New year

Happy chinese new year everyone!!

i know its a bit late to say this.

anyway, nothing special about cny,

but to accept the truth that im going back to mel this thursday!!

omg, time flies.

i have to think positively that im now officially a final year student!
this is gonna be my final year!!!

maybe not if i got a nice internship there. i dont mind to stay for another year or 2 for a nice job but definitely no more study!

its gonna be the day ive longed for.

this is my 6th year in melbourne and i havent and hopefully wont fail any subjects !!

ok time to take a bath before i head out to meet my bff.
ciao!

ChocoMarvel

Im craving for a cup of hot chocolate especially caramel hot choc from starbucks during menstruation.

however, most of the time i suffer from the effects of the menstrual discomfort and end up with a cup of hot Milo (lol im too lazy to go out as well =p)

recently, i got a sample from Chocomarvel.

It is a rich chocolate drink with natural plants extracts that are targeted to relief various symptoms and discomfort during menstruation.
i havent see how it works as stated on the little booklet.

however, it does give some comfort feelings like the hot choc effect.

whats more, it is low fat! as i would consume at least 2 cups of hot milo a day during menstruation.
my weight has been boosted up ><

FYI, chocomarvel gives a hint of ginger taste but i found the rich chocolate has done its job well to mask the strong ginger taste.
check it out!

Facebook :http://www.facebook.com/fmdesignsuteramall?sk=wall#!/ChocoMarvel

2012

How exciting and anticipating of the coming of this year.

i guess the reason of it is pretty obvious.

yes, im going to graduate in this year. it is like FINALLY man!

im so sick with ppl asking me "when are you going to graduate" and

the worst is that some think ive been failing units -.-

it is so hard for others to understand the reason why im still studying.

in short, i didnt fail any unit so far (touches wood) and im still working hard on it.

2012 has been treating me well so far.

back to 1st of Jan,

i attended one of my primary sch friend's wedding and no, she was not pregnant.

im really happy for her!! congrats babe !!

the most interesting thing during that wedding dinner was that we saw a guy sitting opposite of us, alone.

we were like "who would go to a wedding dinner alone?"

he was still alone when the 1st dish was served.

but soon his table was filled. 8 ppl came from nowhere just suddenly appeared.

we then only realized they were the "brothers"of the new couple,

they were busy entertaining the guests thats why the table was so empty.
which makes our table the one with the least people (4 -.-)

can you imagine how much food had been wasted. eg. shark fin, prawn etc. =[

btw, my friend looked great on that night especially in her last wedding gown.

super gorgeous!

Had lunch and high tea session with my high sch mates last sat.

it was hard to find friends like them.

we havent been in contact with each other but we dont feel awkward when we meet.

and the most important thing is that they dont find you only because they help from you.

we all have come across these problems quite often eg. calling you/msg you suddenly, and you already knew what they want!! it was like so obvious. they never find you at all normally.

anyway, really really love to chat with these friends!

Miss J has always been the best girl to share everything since i know her.

i rmb i spent quite a lot on phone bill to call her every single day during holidays as we cant update in sch.

Mr.Go is one of the most matured guys ive known so far.

Has a clear idea what he wants, needs and work hard to pursue it (not just talking about it only).

the best and worst of him is being too straightforward when talking.

that was the reason some of my friends cant get along with him.

they dont hate him but they just cant stop fighting over their opinions.

but somehow, that is the benefit of being friend with him for me.

i know more about myself eg. how a person feel by looking at me, my good and my bad sides.
which is pretty good i think!